Sunday, Elul 24th on Truth
Emet means truth in Hebrew, and it is one of the 13 Middot, attributes of G!d. I have been studying the Thirteen Middot all summer with Rabbi Ruth Gan Kagan. Each Middah is a powerful place in the Divine constellation, that has its resonance in the human soul. It is said the truth can set you free, through some deep soul searching I’ve just this year healed from childhood hurts I’d denied for decades in my relationship with a family member, and found my way to forgiveness. It is quite liberating! I gained much healing from tears I shed, and this book, Jay Michaelson’s The Gate of Tears was helpful. Jay is a Rabbi, meditation teacher and scholar of religion with a Ph.D in Jewish thought. I share a brief writing from his book on hiding the truth. I came to see that “coming out of the closet” is not just for queer folks but for everyone. I was astonished at how many closets I was living in, and how many other people seem to have. People closet their spirituality, their joys, their life histories, their talents; they hide loves, transgressions, virtues, and tribes; they bury their essential selves, as if burying something is the best way to preserve it. And of course, their sadness. There is shame around sadness as if it’s a sign of failure- like you’re not doing it right. Even though so many contemplative and philosophical traditions say that sadness is a sign that you are doing it right.
Monday Elul 25th
On Humility and Emunah faith.
I have found that living a spiritual or observant life is a conscious choice in today’s world.
The Kabbalists explain that in creation, to make room for material existence, G!d withdrew. Perhaps that’s why it can be difficult to find G!d’s presence in a sometimes fractured world. So to choose to life in faith can be an act of beautiful humility. But there are times we feel G!d’s presence so powerfully, like the moments of awe at the mountains, or the moments our babies were born, and that knowledge becomes even more humbling. And empowering. At our most difficult, heart breaking movents, surrendering and reaching for resonance with the gevurah/ strength and the rachamim/ compassion for self and friend can be a soul saver. I find that at these moments of constriction, I must stop and focus on my breathing, surrendering ego and anxiety. My mantra has been to Breathe in gratitude, Breathe out love, breath by breath, moment by moment. As Matisyahu wrote in Surrender
We run for the mountains, we will run for our lives
See our nations enslaved with no sign
I surrender my vision to your glory
This a story of a silent sky
And the ancient eyes, new baby blues
All brown her eyes
And I surrender to your glory
Surrender
Tuesday, Elul 26th
A fun song today, but first a riddle: How is Yom haKippurim like/ca Purim? The answer can be found in the thirteen middot, which I am studying with R’ Ruth Gan Kagen. The middot are thirteen attributes, or essences of G!d, and also the words revealed to Moshe in the cleft of that rock when he begged to see G!d’s face. Chanting these words is said to have the power to awaken G!d’s forgiveness with rachamim g’murah, complete compassion. This rachamim g’murah in the face of sin is so radical, it threatens the foundation of the world, which, in Pirke Avot (1:18) is said to rest on justice, truth and peace. Also in Pirke Avot, chapter 4, which I am studying now with Joe Rosenstein, the answer to “who is strong?”אֵיזֶהוּ גִבּוֹר, הַכּוֹבֵשׁ אֶת יִצְרוֹ is is “he who can control his inclination (for harm)”. Therefore, when Rachamim g’murah overrides Divine judgement, G!d is showing the ultimate strength: over inclination. Divine mercy and One-ness then blur the lines between good and evil on this day. This is true of only one other Holiday, Chag Purim, where we drink until we cannot distinguish between “blessed be Mordechai, and cursed be Haman”. This Selichah g’murah only deals with sins between us and Hashem, sins with humans, you must seek their forgiveness. Perhaps the punishment for sins with G!d is to live a life without the Presence in your life, without that source of meaning and kedushah.
Today I share this wonderful, but admittedly party-like song,
From Now On as we resolve in the new year, that from now on….What will your resolve be?
A man learns who is there for him, when the glitter fades and the wall won’t hold.
From the rubble what remains can only be what’s true
If all was lost there’s more I gained ‘cause it led me back to You..
And from now on, these eyes will not be blinded by the lights. From now on, what’s waited for tomorrow starts tonight And let this promise in me start
Like an anthem in my heart
From now on, from now on.
And we will come back home again
From now on from The Greatest Showman
Wednesday, Elul 27th
Lawrence Kushner teaches that “love is a verb” He writes: How do you love people? You do things which don’t necessarily benefit you…In this sense, every favor can be the beginning of love or at least its repair. Each favor is a gift of self that says “You mean more to me than me. I may not understand your motive; it is enough for me to know that you desire it.
I believe “love is a verb” is the heart of the Shema, and why it becomes our mantra each day. How do you love G!d as commanded in the Shema? I think by loving life, and this beautiful world and its inhabitants. To do this “with all your heart” admittedly is a challenge. But perhaps if that’s my resolve when I awaken, and being at home or taking my walk, then when I lie down at night, I can look back at my day and measure it “with love” as Larson ( reminded us. What if * radical listening, love and awareness of unity would be with us as we woke in the morning, and as a prelude to dreams at night, and punctuated moments of transition like when the colors of the sky mixed at sunset? I feel the Shema as a call to bring more love, first allowing it into my own heart, then as a resolve to bring love as a verb to the world each and every day with a full heart. In loving acts our hearts and lives and the lives we touch will be fuller.
I’ve shared this before, my meditative “B’chol L’vav’cha”
Thursday, Elul 28th On Believing in yourself.
I have learned an amazing teaching of the Bal Shem Tov (excerpted below) that when we say in humility “There’s nothing I can I do, things will never change” it is not really humility, but a surrender of the recognition of our potential, that “what we do matters” and that we are B’tzelem Elohim, if we believe in ourselves.
סולם – תורת הבעש“ט
you need to take note
And esteem yourself
As a ladder standing on the ground,
Whose top reaches the heavens.
And all of your movements
And words and deeds….
Leave their imprints on high.
Whereas if you think to yourself:
‘Of what importance do I think I am,….
With such an approach you go
With a stubborn attitude
And fool yourself thinking
That you will have peace…
This is not the case.
For through your positive deeds
You veritably cleave to the blessed holy One
And when you are being compassionate in this world
You arouse the Divine attribute of Compassion in all worlds.
Amud Hat’fila 137
Toldot Yaacov Yoseph Ekev
Based on a translation by r’ Menachem Kalus
This sentiment is also beautifully expressed by the poet Alden Solovy, recorded here with an original melody in
Soul Shine
Let your soul shine
In your chest.
Let your heart sparkle
In your eyes.
Let joy
Fill your limbs with radiance.
Let love
Fill your hands with splendor.
You are the instrument
Of G-d’s music,
The tool
Of repairing the earth.
You are the voice
Of wonder and awe,
The song
Of hope and tomorrow.
This gift,
This majesty within,
Is not yours to keep.
It is not yours to hold.
It is not yours to hide.
Let your soul shine
Luminous, elegant,
Brave and true,
A beacon of praise,
A lantern of song,
A summons for holiness
To enter our lives
And this world.
Let your soul shine.
Set it free.
Set it free to fill the space
Between the here
And the unknown
With abundance
And with blessings.
© 2019 CCAR Press from This Joyous Soul: A New Voice for Ancient Yearnings
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