Miryam's Space

From “Defying Gravity” from the show “Wicked”

I’m through accepting limits

‘Cause someone says they’re so

Some things I cannot change

But ’til I try, I’ll never know…

But what about the limitations of someone with a physical disability, or the ultimate limitation of mortality?

This week’s Torah Reading, is “Emor” meaning “speak”. The root of the word is repeated three times in very short order. The word is not the only way to command “speak!” and its repetition has drawn commentary. For me the most interesting is from Mei HaShiloach (Rabbi Mordechai Leiner, 1800s) that “emor” means to whisper to the Kohanim who have these limitations put upon them.

“Emor – say,” means speaking softly.. G8d enjoins us to whisper into the ears of the servants of G8d that they should not hold grudges when it comes to G8d’s stern judgment, for the intentions of G8d are always in order to improve (sources here)

I love the chesed in this interpretation of how a person should speak limitations to another, and how G8d does!

This reading, like much of Leviticus, contains many laws that only pertain to the Kohanim, the Priests who offer other folk’s offerings to the Holy One of Blessing. So, why read them? Perhaps because we are meant to be a “nation of priests and a holy people”. Also, there are still descendants of Aaron, who will not go to a cemetery. The reading begins by telling the Kohanim not to approach the body of one who has died unless it’s a very close relative – it turns the Kohen tamei –ritually unprepared. Life is the the most magical thing we have, it is the gift that ties us to our Creator. On an emotional level, this law makes sense. Some illnesses also makes a priest tamei. However, does this taboo keep us from mitzvot of comforting the dying and honoring the dead? More importantly does it make the death of loved ones something that we see as unnatural, and make us unable to deal with it? In my childhood, I was shielded from death and dying. My grandpa left me in the car to visit his mother in the nursing home, and when she died, I was not taken to the funeral (or any funerals!) Many years later, I was pregnant and told not to come to the cemetery for his funeral. I was rarely taken to a shiva, memorial in the home of the bereaved. Mortality is the ultimate blow to our aspiration of being “unlimited”

Chapter 21 of Leviticus goes on to say to those who have a moom –a blemish on the symmetry of their body, or a birth defect or a broken limb. As Chapter 21 of Leviticus continues, it tells the Kohen that he is never to approach the Altar with offerings – in other words -not to be allowed do the job he was born into. These verses deeply trouble me, They imply that these men were less worthy. Does this come from the idea that beauty is gifted to those worthy, and that “ugliness, disability, deformity” are reflections of being less worthy intrinsically? I once saw a version of Cinderella on a kid’s show on Reading Rainbow, which showed the “ugly stepsisters” as being beautiful in the beginning. With each cruel act, their faces and bodies would twist until they appeared “ugly” toward the end of the play. The tale of Cinderella is problematic in so many ways, (a discussion for another time) but this move was brilliant! The real test of “beauty” is kindness, nothing else really matters. We are all of us in the Divine image, in all our fabulous diversity, all of our abilities. (See “Twilight Zone” episode “Eye of the Beholder”) In a discussion of politics with a cousin today, he revealed that selects his candidate in part based upon “are they attractive enough to win?” According to Maimonides, Guide to the Perplexed –Sources here –

The multitude does not estimate man by his true form but by the perfection of his bodily limbs and the beauty of his garments.

This is as true today as it was for Maimonides a thousand years ago, and in Biblical Times a couple of thousand years before that. When will we ever learn?

Rabbi Julia Beltzer, in her book “Loving Your Own Bones”, is disabled, and very troubled by these verses as well. When challenged to explain this verse says “I don’t justify it”. She explains, that it is a reflection of the deep prejudice against disabled individuals, and an attempt to assign these values to G8d.

Speaking from personal experience as someone who is at times, medically disabled, I did defy those limitations/gravity. It took me some time, but I overcame the limits that my situation said were true, and I took the leap to apply to, and complete Rabbinic and Cantorial school. I trusted my instincts, trusted in my faith, and leaped. Yet I know there will be limits, that I am not unlimited. When I am afraid, I lean upon my faith, pray for G8d to give me the wisdom to define and respect those limits. I hope these limits are whispered with kindness, but clearly enough to understand. I respect my limits enough to have stopped driving (no, I don’t miss it). But in offering songs of Praise to the One, and being a channel of the wisdom of our tradition to others, for now, I’m unlimited!

What are your limits? How do you know until you’ve tried “defying gravity?” If they are offerings to holiness, to kindness, to truth, may you defy gravity!

AI is not used to create any of my writings ~MW