Miryam's Space

Fred Rogers is a hero of mine. I watched Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood with my daughters as they grew. A wonderful movie from 2019 A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood is based on the friendship between Fred Rogers and a journalist, and an actual episode of the television show. The journalist, Lloyd in the movie, had heart had been broken as a child by the death of his mother and his Dad’s abandonment of the family in his inability to handle the loss. Lloyd never healed, and cannot deal with his father, with his childhood in any way. I don’t want to give too much away, but Fred Rogers, in Moses-like humility, sees Lloyd’s hurting and becomes a messenger of caring, a messenger of the Most High, and of healing for Lloyd. I won’t say more, except to urge you to see the movie if you have not yet, or view it again before next High Holy days

I suspect none of us escapes life without a broken heart. What do you do with the broken heart is the real question. Although my wounds were not as deep as Lloyd’s, I tried the same tactic as he, building a wall around my heart, believing in the fairy tales, that you can leave home and live happily ever after, never having to look back. I did not even realize how broken I was, until having to try to care for a very sick parent, I could not handle it, and had an emotional break. I will every be grateful for my family, and my spiritual counselor, my mashpiya ,who helped me look back honestly, to let them, and to the power of Love in this universe Healer of the Broken hearted. It took me a lifetime to heal, but man, did it feel liberating. I still struggle, but also remember the redemption and how great it felt. I should have wondered why I could cry buckets at a sad movie, but not when a loved one died – just feeling empty loss. I have done some rear-view crying. I feel more alive now than ever.

Perhaps all of this is why I resonate so strongly with Shir Yaakov’s beautiful interpretation Healer of the Broken Hearted. It is such a powerful name for G!d, I think of it each morning when I awake and listen to my heartbeat, and remember. Yet this week’s parashah seems to challenge this view with the words “ I will harden Paroah’s heart”. How can these be reconciled?

A new name for the Holy One is  introduced in parashat Va-era, spelled  YHVH, it  is unpronounceable, interbreathing of all life which, means existence. This  new name according to Rashi, and Talmud, and more, is associated with Chesed, loving kindness,. it is this name, YHVH, associated with love and compassion, that we invoke for compassion for our lives on the High Holy days, -this name -inter-breathing of existence (thanks R’ Arthur Waskow) who has heard our cry and will be our redeemer. So  our “fearless” leader, Moshe, when asked to go to Egypt and go to Pharoah so the Israelites may be set free, says in his vulnerability “I am  inadequate” The Israelites would not listen to me; how then should Pharaoh heed me, a man of uncircumcised lips (aral s’fatayim) say Moses in Exodus 6: 12. in his humility before G!d, and gets the promise that both God, be with him and his brother Aaron too. And that’s when YHVY tells Moshes “I will harden Paroah’s heart” Eventually Moshe is convinced he goes to Egypt with Aharon to be our salvation.

What of Pharoah’s heart?  If you look closely  7:13 when Aaron’s staff swallowed Egyptians,  in verse 22 after the plague of blood Paroah –  y‘chazek–strengthens his  own heart – to follow his own urges of anger and to be cruel. After frogs in 8: 11, and insects in 8: 28 and animal disease in 9:7 Pharoah weighs down his heart. Finally God, in  the plague of boils y’chazek, strengthen’s Pharoah’s heart.  Now fearless, Pharoah’s reveals his true self, the one that kills baby boys born to the wrong ethnic background as a show of strength.  

Torah teaches us: true strength is given us by a heart cracked open by awareness of the brokenness, In vulnerability, in letting God in, we let healing in, we can not only be redeemed,  we can feel each other’s pain.

Maybe the   tension between Moshe and Pharoah – humility and ego/ arrogance is also within us. The liberator and the enslaver are both within us. And that the wisdom that is empathy, born  of the healed heart is our Torah and it glows in our eyes. And is our strength

Times are heartbreaking now, beyond our understanding.  But we have all of this wisdom to lean on.  I’ll end with a song: based on Proverbs 3 by Ira and Julia Levin. Here it is on Spotify

When you need more than your own understanding, lean on the power of love

The wisdom you’ll hold is worth ten times the gold Some sell their souls for in vain

And a peace that surpasses every thrill on this plain. 

Is heard when your soul calls your name

And my roads all lead to peace    Let go of your hold and your sorrow will cease

Wisdom will shine through you like a light the trees

Wisdom will shine and you’ll be free and happy