Miryam's Space

Eikev 2021: Heart opening!

Sources for this Drash on Sefaria

I believe G*d cries with us in our loss (the Zohar places G*d’s regret in the hours approaching midnight). What if the rain were G*d’s tears? 

I have been to the Western Wall in Jerusalem only once, and placed one prayer in the cracks of the wall, and I the prayer was from this weeks parashah, Eikev.  I prayed that G!d would remove the thickening from my heart (Deuteronomy 10:16). I’d become just fascinated by the concept of a circumcision of the heart, that if human beings, including myself, could feel more deeply, the world would not be in such a mess. If you had met me, you might not have guessed that I was in need of heart opening, I poured my love into my young daughters and into my teaching.  Perhaps I always knew I had a ways to go.

Looking back I think my heart was thickened in a 3 different kinds of ways:

-Lacking full gratitude, I did not realize just how much I took for granted.

-I hadn’t yet opened to personal connection to G*d, more of a distant, Maimonidean relationship; or committed to spiritual Jewish path. The literal translation of the Hebrew (10:13) umaltem et orlat levavchem  means circumcise the foreskin of your hearts!  Circumcision is a sign of the covenant between G*d and the Jewish people. Nor did I often reach out-to those different from myself

-I had without knowing it, walled off my heart from childhood injury in self-protection. Although tears streamed down my face in a sad movie,  I was unable to cry for real loss in my life.

It would take a couple of hard smacks from life before my heart could heal.

The theme of opening our hearts to bring tikkun repair to ourselves and the world runs through this amazing parashah in three parallel ways!

1. Gratitude: Birkat Hamazon, the blessing after a meal, is partly here.  We are always yearning, hungry, But each item on your plate is grown from the earth, watered, harvested, delivered, prepared – a miracle. To stop, and really enjoy the food, is another miracle, and to really allow yourself a moment to say – wow I am satisfied! (It is easier without distractions, electronic or otherwise) I have found that even a brief blessing said with focus, or Kavannah can be transformative. Here’s my quickie Birkat Cacatuv  V’achalta, v’savata, uverachta,(It is written that you shall eat, you shall be satisfied and you shall bless!)Blessed are you G*d for goodness, and holiness, for the land and for this food.

2. Open our hearts to the stranger: This is one of the most powerful versions of the oft repeat commands to love the stranger: because it is how G*d acts: 18) G*d upholds the cause of the orphan and the widow, and loves the stranger, giving them food and clothing.— (19) You too must love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.

3. What if the rain were G*d’s tears? In the same way I was grateful for my own tears, we are grateful for rainfall, which in Eikev is clearly dependent upon our ability to act in justice and to love. Unlike Egypt where slave labor irrigated farms from the Nile, The promised land drinks water gifted by the Holy one. These passages are the second paragraph of the Shema, but here the command to love G*d has moved from singular to plural, communal.  The shema itself is a progression of love rippling outward from the center: beginning between your eyes and upon the heart of a person to your family/children, to the borderlines of your home, across your gates, and into the outside world, where, earlier we learn to love the stranger. It is parallel to the journey from Mitzrayim, the narrow straits, to the wide skies of freedom.

All depends on water, water is life. What if the rain were G*d’s tears, and they are turning to floods because of our heartlessness, or beyond G*d’s capacity for tears, so like me G*d could not cry at all. What if this were the spiritual source of climate change?

I wrote the song Water planet in June, inspired by the text and associated meditations from Rabbi Jill Hammer’s Return to the Place: The Magic, Meditation, and Mystery of Sefer Yetzirah (I studied with Rabbi Jill in June of this year at Yeshivat Romemu)

Water planet from the Breath of Life

Dazzling blue suspended in the night,

If we could hold it as Holy One might

We would feel the fluttering of life’s wings

How fragile our lonely home world seems

Our heart–beats sending lifeblood that we need

To heal the suffering our callous actions bring

To turn the sad melody G*d’s tears sing.

Va’etchanan 2021: Rav L’cha, you have so much!

Va’etchanan 2021 Sources page

It’s good to have goals. Perhaps you share some of mine. On a personal level, to make it through each day with as much grace as possible . A bit longer term goal of a successful term, graduation, smicha one day G!d willing. Longer term, I share with many of you, the goal of nudging the world to be a bit more just, and kind. And then Life happens Stuff gets in the way. Sometimes my default response to obstacles is “oh no!!” at which pointTorah proceeds to collide with and inform my life.

The parasha is Va’etchanan, meaning “and he asked for an extra dose of Grace” – Chen/Chanun. our hero Moses is pleading with G*d.

“Let me please cross over and see the good land on the other side of the Jordan,”

G*d’s answer to Moses is NO!  Oh the frustration!

The midrash compares Moses to a woman who was courted by the King to marry him and then he dumps her – just as they’re at the Promised land. I imagine Moses saying: I’ve worked so hard, G*d, this 40 day journey that took 40 years!  Must I die just before the happy ending? 

The Ohr HaChayim explains:  it’s Joshua’s time, and these are lifetime appointments . Another compensation -when Moses lifts his eyes to see the land G’d would allow the vision of his eyes to fulfill his dreams. (Which kind of reminds me of all the zoom weddings, and b’ nei mitzvahs we saw during COVID. Oy!)

The reason that G!d gives for denying Moses entry is fascinating: RAV L’CHAH: you have so much! Rashi says it means Moses will get more in the after-life. I disagree, and imagine I conversation I might have with Moses: “Dude you’re talking to the Creative force of the Universe, at this very moment! Wrapped in holiness and love, connecting heaven to earth, teaching Torah such as  “love your near one as Yourselves”, the envy of any spiritual seeker. YOU’RE ALREADY THERE, there can be no higher destination!”

Last week we read that Caleb was allowed entry to the land, because he remained fulfilled after his G*d encounter.  Last Shabbat, we read Isaiah’s vision that the whole earth was filled with G*d’s Glory, that we should see and cherish the holiness of the world, and then work to make it true. So instead of panicking at a challenge, I took a deep breath, I quieted my mind. I felt I was surrounded by Love and Truth, part of an infinite One-ness that is G*d. What a gift this seeking and then feeling and sharing!  Like Moses, I was already there! Where can we find this breath and quiet to find our way? These answers for me lie in the parashah. The first is Shabbat, a time to exhale our worries, a day to stop our acquiring and just be free. 

The second is : Shema Yisrael: Listen up You G!d wrestlers: V’ahavta we shall love, we are here to add our love to the world. And coincidentally, tomorrow night begins tuB’av  the holiday of Love, and ultimate joy.  And yet, it’s good to have goals, and it hurts not to reach our goals.

To my friend who died too young did not live to see her brilliant daughter graduate, to so many like her I can only offer the following:

the time is short, the work is great. Pirkei avot tells us– We may not get to finish the work, but the Shema teaches that we can add more love to our little part of the world, with the time we have. Speaking only For myself, knowing tomorrow is not guaranteed, scary as that is, has liberated me to follow my heart’s dream. My blessing for you: may you love, be liberated, take a deep breath, and know, whether you meet your goals or fall short: Rav L’chah, or Rav Lach you have so much!

D’varim 2021: Vision

This week’s parashah, Devarim, contains one of my favorite verses in Torah: “And in the wilderness you saw how the Holy One, your G!d lifted you us as a man carries his child” Deuteronomy 1:21

G!d lifts us up so we can see, has carried us from slavery “on eagles wings” from Mitzrayim to a land where a vision of Truth, Justice and Peace form the framework which supports the world! Pirke Avot 1:18

Sources linked here.

This coming Shabbat is Shabbat Hazon, the Shabbat of vision, the one before Tisha B’av, that day of emotional descent, recognizing the brokenness, for the sake of ascent and tikkun, repair. What is vision created for? On Shabbat chazon, we begin to envision healing!

This parashah also contains the retelling of the saga of the scouting of the land. This is the sin for which the Israelites become condemned to die in the wilderness, and the first historic tragedy which occurs on Tisha B’av. But why this sin, why not the golden calf, for example? A parable from the Zohar explains: there once was a father who carried his son on his shoulders during their journey. Whenever they met someone, the son asked the stranger if he had seen his father.  In other words it is the ultimate lack of vision, and faith. Back to the Torah, verse 27 describes the Israelite’s reactions when ten of the twelve leaders sent to seek out and explore the promised land bring back this report: . (They) murmured in your tents and said, “It is because G!d hates us that G!d brought us out of the land of Egypt, to smash us! (28) …. Our brothers have melted our hearts, saying, ‘We saw there a people stronger than us, huge cities with walls sky-high, and Giants lived there.’ Nature abhors a vacuum, I imagine the Israelites murmuring in their darkened tents/ with bubbles of lies and fear forcing the  light and faith to go whooshing out of their tents,  this darkness creating a tear in the fabric of our People’s story in space and time.(More on this, 2017 Linked here.)

All except Joshua and Caleb, who remained filled after their G!d-encounter, who remained optimistic, and kept their faith

On this day as we approach Shabbat of vision, let us light candles from our hope, truth and faith, and let this light shine and spark other souls to let them shine, to repair and to heal!

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Masei 2021: Keep change for the Journey

As we draw near the end of the book of Numbers, and as we count down to the ninth of Av, a reminder that numbers can be important! If you are  Yankees fan, you know that #42 belongs to the great Jackie Robinson. If you have read the wonderful, strange, funny book, Hitchhiker’s Guide to Galaxy –, the answer to everything in life was calculated to be 42. Of course, it’s silly, you cannot calculate the answer to the meaning of life, but still, numbers and counting your days is important! In parashat Masei there are 42 stops and journeys the Israelites take on their way from Miztrayim, the place of slavery to the promised land.  That’s quite a lot: We are also counting down the days to Tisha B’av, a day of mourning for all the destruction in our history, a descent to honor sadness, In order to Be able to ascend. Most of the wandering (38) years is a result of the Israelites lack of faith, that G!d would be with them. The wilderness becomes a crucible to forge a free, rather than slave mentality.  Source page for these writings

Think about the various places you have been in your life’s journey. Maybe you are like me: when I tell my story, most of the time I don’t include the journeys have been too painful or embarrassing, those that I’ve either repressed or just edited out. Why tell those stories at all?

I have found out, and I bet you know: it’s to heal, as Rabbi David Ingber has shown so inspiringly with Shabbat of the Child.  But like the Israelites, how do we know if/ that G!d is with us each stop along the way – what about during hard the hard times?

Midrash Tanchuma explains that the Holy One was with us the entire time, in the Parable of a King who journeys with his child to a series of health spas, and the recalls the journey to search for healing fondly . AND

Evidence that G!d was with us all along is in the number 42,

For there is a 42 letter name of G!d reflected in the prayer Ana B’Koach, “untangle our knots”, a 42 word prayer, each word corresponding to one of the stops in the journey!

The commentary Or HaChayim goes on to ask: why focus on the moving, rather than the destinations?  I studied with R’ Mimi Feigelson thhttps://jwa.org/rabbis/narrators/feigelson-mimiis past week, who spoke of how much she has changed, and the importance of being open to change. To look in the mirror at the end of the day, and not know “who you are” that Ayin, openness. The change itself is a yearning, to follow holiness, “Dancing in G!d’s earthquake” as R Arthur Waskow says.

So keep change in your pockets at all times, for the bus, for the beggar…

Keep on marching ahead to that place where you learn what simplicity
is; What commitment is for
Why the eyes were created
Why the soul is transparent
Why there’s no greater gift
In this wondrous world
Than to suffer a heart filled with love for no reason ….

Keep change in your pockets at all times! ~ Danny Maseng

Pinchas 2021 Who tells your story

Machla Noa, Hogla, Milkah and Tirtzah

I love these names, they are five of my biblical heroines.  Welcome to Parashat Pinchas!

Numbers, chapters 26-7 is genealogy almost entirely in the male.  Interestingly also repeated are those who have died, and who don’t leave descendants. Link to Source Page

Korach’s death is mentioned but his sons live; Nadav and Avihu’s deaths are mentioned again- though they didn’t leave descendants, their names live on. Tzelophechad, like Tevya had 5 daughters, and they had no property rights at all, because no women did, and their names had no way to persist into the future

How is that so  important, that a name lives on? Well in one practical way, each name by tribe is also how promised land will pass through the generations. Remember, they haven’t gotten there yet, but unlike many of the cranky Israelites, they believe in the promise – that we’re going home. Beyond the practical, to tell our stories can be life itself.  Our stories make meaning of who we are and share that essence, weaving the fragments of our life into a single container. With our story  according to Marc Margolius, we “fix the brokenness of our reality” into a whole. To tell your story, your pain and your joys is profound, a way to find common ground, connect to values, ideals and to know your life matters. The oppressed, the powerless are voiceless, and as a shy person as a child, I came only slowly to find my voice

Vatikrovna ,they drew near, and Va-amodna  they stood before Moses, Eleazar the priest, the princes, and the whole assembly, at the  opening of the Tent of Meeting, and they said, Our father died in the wilderness. He was not one of the gang of Korah’s witnesses, who banded together against G!d, but died for his own sin; and sons – he had none. (4) Why should the name of our father be lost from the midst of his family just because he had no son? Give us a holding among our father’s brothers.”.

How do these five sisters, in a society where women are disenfranchised find the courage to challenge Moses, the Torah, the status quo?  Ohr haChayim explains,  they joined together with one another, and consulted with their clan, that they both came near, and stood up means they shed their veil of timidity and stood with  sufficient self-assurance to face Moses directly. And they won an amendment to the Torah! (5) Moses brought their law before the G!d. (6) And the G!d said to Moses, (7) “Yes, The words of Zelophehad’s daughters are true: you must surely give to them a hereditary holding among their father’s brothers; transfer their father’s share to them. (8) “And speak to the Israelite people saying: ‘If a man dies without a son, you shall transfer his property to his daughter Rashi explains -God really said: Exactly so is this chapter written before me on High (Sifrei Bamidbar 134:1). This tells us that their eye saw what Moses’ eye did not see. (They had a finer perception of what was just in the law of inheritance than Moses had.) So they are heroes because they wrote themselves into the story,

Who lives, who dies, who tells your story…   ~LM Miranda

And when you’re gone, who remembers your name?
Who keeps your flame? 
Who tells your story?  (Machlah, Noa, Hogla, Mika and Tirtza)

We put ourselves back in the narrative  
We stop wasting time on tears
(Machlah, Noa, Hogla, Mika and Tirtza) (They tell our story)         

In their eyes I see us, the disenfranchised of today.