If this is true, Why Do I Exist?
My favorite question asked by anyone in the Torah happens in this week’s Torah reading, and it’s asked by a woman, the matriarch Rivkah (Rebecca). Source page: Here In Genesis chapter 25, although Yitzhak (Isaac) truly loved Rivkah, she was barren. They pray together, and Rivkah conceives twins, amazing. The word for prayer in this verse is וַיֵּעָ֤תֶר Vayeatar meaning to plead. And then, trouble. Vayitrotzetzu, the babies were struggling, even crushing one another in the womb. On her own, without Yitzhak, perhaps because he can’t handle the truth due to the residue of the Akedah, she goes “lidrosh” et Havayah, to seek G8d. She asks the question: im kein, lama zeh anochi “if it’s like this, why do I exist?” The word “lidrosh” or seek, is the same as in Drash, or midrash, a true seeking. Because she is a woman, the biblical commentators suggest she is simply in pain, and it’s her first pregnancy, and she seeks an oracle. But Rivkah is the spiritual descendant of Avraham, choosing her pathway to follow Avraham’s G8d. The patriarchs are thought to have spoken to G8d directly. We now have Torah, the age of prophecy is supposedly dead.
Midrash b’reishit Rabba asks a similar question. G8d says “let us create humans in our image” speaking to the angels. They are arguing about it, and G8d hurls truth to the ground, and behind their backs creates humans in love and longing, but with free will. Around 2000 years ago, Hillel and Shamai debate whether humans should have been created. After three years of debate, their answer is no, but we’re here, so let’s do what we can. It was a brutal time, violence was pervasive, and human inhumanity gives makes us question whether.
I propose that Rivkah’s question is exactly what the plain sense says: If it’s like this, If I am to bring violence into the world, two brothers already trying to crush one another, what’s the purpose of my life? And also in the plain sense, that she directly sought out the Holy One, no intermediaries.
But what of G8d’s answer: “two nations are in your womb” and it’s unclear whether the older twin will serve or be served! That’s not answering the question! As Jack Nicholson’s character says in the movie “a Few Good Men” “my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives” and of course, “you can’t handle the truth”
I am studying Maimonides, preface to the Guide to the perplexed, where he says that G8d and truth are like a golden apple surrounded by a silver filigree. G8d and truth are so far beyond us, so powerful that we cannot view or understand it directly. Even in the Biblical times when humans talked directly to G8d, the Holy One answered in terms we could handle. For Maimonides, and many observant Jews, Torah and halachah are the silver filigree. For scientists, the process of experimentation is the silver filigree. If you are not spiritually inclined what’s your structure for finding the most important truths? What question would you ask? Is it possible to talk to G8d directly today? How do we receive answers? Shabbos blessings!
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